Toxic new gas discovered in Pennsylvania
April 1, 2012 – A gas that is far more deadly than hydrogen sulfide (H2S) has been discovered in Pennsylvania, just to the east of the Marcellus Shale play. Towns and municipalities have reported the discovery from around the Commonwealth. A state university study indicates this new gas will create millions of jobs in emergency management, public health, environmental sciences and the legal field over the next millennium, with revenue reaching far into the trillions. Industry coalitions tout the new gas as a "promising fuel for Pennsylvania's children, creating jobs for doctors, lawyers, remediation specialists and emergency responders."
"The sky's the limit," said veteran shale-wildcatter 'Sparky' Gashole of Badwater, Pa. The primary source of the toxic blowback appears to be centered at the Governor's Mansion, with strong seeps also emanating from the Pennsylvania State Capitol Building, mostly on the right side of the aisle and from the storied 'Backroom.' The name given this toxic new gas is 'Ack 13.' Environmental groups have called for Warning Labels like those found on new cigarette packs to be displayed on all documents originating from Harrisburg. The labels would feature dead cattle, murky water and asthmatic children.